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Weekend nights

So it is another weekend.... last night i stayed home and sewed... tonight i kinda  want to just stay home and sleep.  It is 10:30 and i went to lay down to take a nap at 8:30... and would have been very happy to stay there.  I love dancing.. i really really do... but for some reason i'm just not feeling it tonight.  Taking my own car so i can sneak off early if need be.  One huge reason i want to go is because they have thai vodka.  Thai iced tea w/ vodka and it just sounds amazing....   


I did 5 loads of laundry, cooked beans, made two bread pans of shepards pies, sweeped the kitchen, living room and dining room. now if only i had put away the 5 loads of laundry instead dumping them on my bed... but i was busy doing other things.  i actually have two loads in the drier right now and a load in the wash and two on my bed.  and one more dirty load that needs to go in.. of course i need to drop some stuff off at bel's and i dont want to leave my clothes in there since wes needs the washer also.  i'm just proud of myself for being so productive today :D
... i forgot my journal at home... i'm in napa.. .DOH!


So i've started to journal again.  Not LJ but actually paper and pen journaling.  This is something that has really fallen by the wayside.  It really helps me to get my thoughts on paper.  I rarely actually go back and read them.  But it is good to have.  I had journaled on here for a while... i think it was around 3 yrs ago and that was the last time.   It really helps me organize my thoughts and realize things.  Things that i have been holding in or that i've been sticking my head in the sand.  It gives me a chance to analize what i'm feeling and why i'm feeling it. 

this is a good thing..
I just dont understand how prop 8 could pass in CA... i just really really dont

Nov. 3rd, 2008

i just had the fastest dream ever about getting my hair pulled.. but i was in bed.. in possisition on exactly how i was sleeping only i was moving around as if i had a lover w/ me ... and i was doing things as if i had a lover w/ me.. like rubing my legs.. and i was th inking yes pull it pull it.. then i realized that my hair was being pulled only i was alone in my bed.. and i woke up... i was in the same exact position i was in my dream.. and my head feels kinda tingly... :-/  i'm kinda unnerved by this..


I made a realization today and it makes me sad.  :( Im sitting here pondering how we grew so far apart.  How we could see the world so very differently.  I dont get it.  

I've been thinking a lot lately about life, love, future, and where i want to be and how i get there.  I rather feel like I have arrows pointed all over the place and not sure which one i should follow. 

I have felt like a complete slacker recently. I haven't studied herbals recently... i just haven't done much of anything.  

I'm ready for october to be over. :-/
:D i love the halloween theme for undeadjournal :DD

I had this dream a few days ago actually

9:30 AM 
me: its true
  if there is infact a hell i'm def. going..
  but i think it is more calling the waffer's at church jesus jerky
9:32 AM i actually had a dream the other night that my mother, cousin, aunt and a bunch of other people i used to go to church w/ tried to convert me back to christianity
9:34 AM me: it was intense. during the service there was a part where i was to go to this other plain of existence. which i did.. and the huge marble statue of jesus started to glow blue then i was there.. and he was flesh.. only it wasn't jesus.. or it was jesus but it was actually dionysus
  and he seduced me
  or actually i think he raped me
9:35 AM or maybe it was consensual i can't remember
 me: all i know is that i had sex w/ him however when i came out of the altered state everyone expected me to be christian since i met jesus..
  i couldn't tell them that it was actually dionysus that they were worshiping
9:36 AM but i told htem that i would meditate on it and get back to them
  then they started going cult on my asss
  it was bad
 me: :)
9:37 AM welcome to my dreams
9:38 AM i think the fact that a friend was telling me about this book that was comparing jesus to dionysus and saying that they were the same.. or actually that the christian religion brought over dionysus to be a saint to get more pagans to christianity..


That Day - Poe

Tomorrow's coming 'round like a hair-pin curve in the road
She's got a run in her stocking and she's missing the heel of her shoe
Got up this morning rolled out of bed
I spilled a Diet Coke
Called my mother
Said, "Hi." What I meant to say was:
"Why is your life a joke?"
Then I went down to that ugly bar and
I clicked my heels three times just like you said
And I climbed that road to your empty house
The anticipation was a turn-on...but you let me down
'Cause I stood on that empty street alone
I said, "I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. Demille."
I waited for the light but it never shone
Well I wonder what you do with that expensive piece of land
That overlooks a billion years of history (I have a sneaking suspicion)
You will never understand
Hey maybe I'll see you down by the Rocky & Bullwinkle
And we can talk to that charlatan psychic
And she can paint a prettier picture of your future.

'Cause that day in my life...
That day in my life...
I dreamt tomorrow had a prettier face
I dreamt tomorrow would have better things to say
Than, "You look like shit, what's your problem, bitch?
You're legs feel like sandpaper, you can't do anything right."
'Cause that day never should have taken place
'Cause this day in my life still cannot explain
Why I listened in the first place
to you

Oh yeah, something else...

I hope one day you call up your father
And you have the guts to tell him how he hurt you
And he made you hurt another
'Cause it makes me sad.